actor

Even after all this time, all these years, he felt like he was still, just beginning. All the parts, the craft, the digging deep and finding bits of himself, bits he could use even as a killer of innocents. He had actually played a murderer once, even if it was backstory, even if all he did on camera was bang his head against the sink in his cell until the blood came. The work, and now, after all of it, yes, it felt like work, when you added it all up, what had he wanted? What everyone wants, of course. He wanted his name in lights. He wanted, well, love wasn’t it? Wasn’t that what was at the bottom of all of it? Teddy laughed. Around him a few people turned. The woman in the yellow suede vest wasn’t one of them. Not that he minded so much. It’s just that it was hard not to notice her, who wears yellow suede? Or maybe it was micro fiber, like his couch, supposedly indestructible. His now-dead cat had vomited a hairball on it once, and only a shadow of the spot, it was shaped like a chicken liver, the spot, though the cat had eaten Nine Lives, remained.
She didn’t look like the micro fiber type of gal, though. What he had actually noticed, first off, when she walked into the apartment, she was one of the last to arrive at the party, there were already swarms of girls just like her, young, well-dressed, a little over their heads, but beautiful, they were there because they were beautiful and they knew it, were her ears. He had noticed her ears. They were small and round, like a child’s ears. They made him feel something he hadn’t felt in a long time. A girl like that didn’t need protecting of course. Go Go boots and a mini skirt and a yellow suede vest. Definitely not a shrinking violet.
Teddy ran a hand through his blond hair. Still thick. Thick enough. He could feel some of the girls looking at him. Once that would have mattered. Made him feel, what? Alive. Now, well everything had been done. He had done it all, there was nothing left.
Gary Trafalgar moved through the group with the champagne. Classy party. Get the young girls drunk fast so they don’t notice how middle aged we’ve all become.
Have I seen you in anything? This girl had long hair so black it shined blue under the dining room chandelier. Oh God, was he actually supposed to respond to that? Her lips were parted slightly, revealing tiny catlike teeth. Teddy thought of the chicken liver spot on his sofa.
Did you see Hope and Despair? Teddy realized, too late, that he was running his hand through his hair again.
The girl looked blank. Then, Oh! With Gary, right? He plays the priest.
Yes, the priest.
Who were you?
His chauffeur, Actually.
Do you know Robert Redford?
Not personally, no.
Has anyone every told you look like him? The Way We Were was my mother’s favorite movie. I’ve watched it a hundred times.
Teddy smiled vaguely and held up his empty water glass signaling, I’d better go fill’er up! The girl turned immediately to scan the party as he shimmied, hip first, toward the kitchen.
Dancing with yourself? Very smooth. It was the ear girl. He walked over to the tap and filled up his glass. She stood in the doorway and watched him, playing with her thin hoop earring with one long, perfectly tapered finger. He turned off the tap. Even from across the room, he could see that her skin was pale. Unused. Her tiny ears pulling his eye to her smooth square jaw then down the long swan-like, perfectly arched, neck. Oh God. His mother used to scold: You don’t even finish one ice cream cone before you are worrying about whether you are going to get another. Well, damn it, that’s why he had stopped eating ice cream cones. Stick to things like yogurt with fruit on the bottom. It hurts less that way. Nothing like wanting something, really gut-deep wanting something, to ruffle up a perfectly good party.

Anna recognized him. The chauffeur in the latest Gary Trafalgar flick. She could tell by the way he was looking at her that she had him if she wanted him. Hmmm... It was what she was here for, wasn’t it? Well not like that, hooking up. Still, the chauffeur was probably the best looking actor in the room. Which wasn’t saying much. Where we’re all the guys under forty? Teddy Hearst? Teddy Heart…no, Hunt. Teddy Hunt. She watched him fill his glass with water from the Britta filter at the kitchen sink. She could feel his awareness of her even from across the room. It was in the way he held his shoulders, facing her, his hips too. As if his body was watching her, even if he was looking down at his glass. Britta water? She shouldn’t be here. Why did she always end up at dive bars and B-list parties? Teddy Hunt downed his glass of water and filled it again. Trying to drown himself from the inside out, the thought popped into Anna’s head. She took a sip of her champagne and leaned against the doorway. He downed his second glass and leaned against the sink. He’s waiting for me to move. I’ve got him pinned into this kitchen. He’ll drink himself into a water coma. Convulsions, shaking, loss of consciousness. Anna’s mother had done that very thing, once. I’m flushing out toxins, she had said. Anna had found her, lying in bed, her eyes staring at the ceiling, shaking so hard her mother’s perfect front teeth, Anna loved her mother’s teeth, the gap between them like Lauren Hutton, her mother’s favorite model, had chipped. Anna called her father at the office and told him her mother’s eyes were wide open but she couldn’t see anything. Couldn’t see Anna or hear her even though Anna was screaming her name at the top of her lungs. Anna couldn’t catch her breath, when she told him. She wasn’t crying, because even as a little girl she never cried, she just had to take short jerky gasps of air in between getting the words out.
Her father called the ambulance from work. Later the doctors had said if they had waited even just another half hour…
Teddy Hunt was going to make a break for it. Anna watched him put his glass in the sink, rub his hand along the side of his jeans a few times like a motorcyclist revving his motor. After all that? Was all she could think.
She surprised herself by stepping in front of him as he approached, blocking his exit. She stood still as she watched him drag his gaze up from his feet to meet hers. His blues eyes were bloodshot. Ragged looking. Anna felt a tightening in her throat. The ache before a good hard cry.
Do you want to get out of here? She asked him.