Exercise #4: fantastical world "cartoons in the water world" by Jana Hsu

The Primordial Being

See, before you and I came to be what we call humans, there existed what you would call the primordial earth. Wait now, don’t interrupt until you give me a chance to tell you. Before our world formed, this dark sinister being lived at the bottom of the sea. Yes, this primordial earth was a living being, as real as you and me. It covered the bottom of the water and where there was no water, it seeped underneath heavy granite so that it finally reached the end of the earth. Now, how did it breathe? It had pores as large as buffalo, with which it sucked air from water bubbles. Because it was such a large piece of mass, and fed on whatever touched its surface, it created a stifling oily presence, and that is why now, when humans swim in the earth’s oceans, the pressure underneath thewater threatens to stop our hearts, and suck us indefinitely under its heavy blankets of waves. Hmmm? You ask why it was there in the first place? Well, the primordial earth was what began all creation. Everything you see now has been a continuance of this being.

Now, forget all that stuff you learned in Sunday school. Jehovah did not create the
earth in seven days, life was not summed up in Buddha’s enlightenment, and the
Ramayana has always been just a story made up by Hindus. I know this, because Hindus
were also created by this purple primordial being, like everyone and everything else has been. Now, I know what you’re going to say…why am I telling you the truth? Oh, well, because I have already begun to tell you an important story of how the world before our world began. See, before you and I were born, and yes, I see you are raising your eyebrow, so I will answer your question. Hmmm? Oh yes, even before Abraham Lincoln was born, before the Declaration of Independence, before Benjamin Franklin’s inventions, and before the Dinosaurs and Ewoks-yes, yes, Ewoks, the earth as we know it did not exist. The earth began with the primordial being, and it was split in half after a great war that also began with the primordial being. Wait, let me explain.

In the beginning, the primordial being lived in water, as a matter of fact, the whole world was one great body of water. That much of science is true. Technicolor, as we know it now existed in reality, and not only in our imaginations, but see, cartoons may exist in our minds only because they used to exist, and that is why we can even fathom the idea in the first place. Cartoons, made from Technicolor were real. Now, I’m not talking about Mickey Mouse and Goofy and all that crap. I’m talking about real cartoons. Toons that were made from the same rainbows you see after water has mixed in with sunlight. They came in amorphous forms, changing at every moment. Not that they were blobs, no way. They took up definite space, just as matter does. Except, they were more flexible, kind of like amoebas under an electronic microscope, changing form in various light intensities.

If we would be able to reach back in time to touch these toons, they would feel very
much like an inflated balloon. They would be too vulnerable under the heat of our sun today, and would not live for very long, but in water, they were heavy enough to
survive. Now, there were other living beings in the water that would remind us now of miscellaneous objects we see everyday in this century. Animals, plant life, living things such as starfish and crabs and bacteria…mostly, marine life…living things that have always inhabited our waters to this day. These creatures lived in harmony with the toons; they were all together in one world, one existence, one realm on the plane of thought as we are able to contemplate as humans. Yes, didn’t I just say that? Cartoons were real, they were part of reality, now stop interrupting me. So, to continue, living in harmony angered the primordial earth that began them all, because it grew jealous of their happiness, as most sinister beings do, and decided to split the world in two. A great storm followed, a dangerous premonition ensued in the very bosoms of every creature, and of every toon.

Finally, one night, after years and years of tumult in the great belly of the
ocean, two worlds came out of its watery fury. The primordial being separated the earth into two worlds, one of land and the other of imagination. Toons were banished to the imaginary world, separated from what we call real entities made up of mass. The primordial earth then created humans to inhabit and imprison cartoons in the depths of our mind, and that is why today, cartoons are stuck in square boxes we call televisions, and…what did you say? Oh yes, you may be right. That is also probably why balloons float and cannot stay immersed when you force them into water.

So there, how do you like my explanation? No, no, what did I say? I told you the truth, because I want you to learn an important lesson here. Do like Granddaddy tells you, and don’t go swimming in the deep parts of that ocean over there, because you might be pulled down into the primordial earth and mommy and daddy would never see you again.